"Well, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap. You want to but you can’t, and when you do you wish you didn’t, right?"
Sexuality has been a constant in life since the beginning of time. It is a complicated and personal issue, which is unfortunately still talked about in black and white terms. The people who do have sex, face the consequence of eventually being called a “slut” or a “man-whore.” Yes, this double edged sword affects men as well. Sexuality is on a spectrum, as is the judgement received in response to an individual’s personal, sexual identity. The people who are on the other side, the virgins, face the dreaded cutesy face people make upon finding out, and the even more dreaded, “Aww you’re so innocent. That’s sweet. I have a friend I can hook you up with.”
I remember in high school and middle school playing “Never Have I Ever” at every single slumber party. The basic rules for this game, if you’ve never heard of it, are that everyone sits around in a circle and each person gets the chance to say something that they have never done, then whoever has done this activity that is in attendance, raises a finger. The rules on how a person wins this game varies. In some instances, the winner is the person who has all ten fingers up first. Other times, the winner is the person who has the least amount of fingers up by the time it is decided that the game is over. The things that these girls admitted during this game were always subject to discussion, sometimes even after the party was over. The more experienced girls seemed interesting and adventurous and the girls with less fingers up seemed pure and virtuous. There was no in between or gray area, you either had a finger up or you didn’t. Your personal, sexual history or lack thereof was there on display and subject to judgement.
The point of this story, is that these adolescent games are something that I have never forgotten, especially as sexuality came under more scrutiny on the larger playing field of a college campus. Slut shaming is an obvious facet in society today. It is argued by some ignorant people during rape cases as to whether or not “she was asking for it,” because of what she was wearing. A girl who makes the decision to entering into a consensual, physically intimate affair with one person or more is subject to harsh scrutiny. But something I’ve found that is often overlooked is the shame that the less experienced can feel. As I stated earlier, the first thing people feel the need to do is pull out the innocent card and give you a pitiful look as if you’re a sad little puppy at the pound.
All of this judgement and scrutiny has limited the conversation on sexuality which is unfortunate. People often do not feel comfortable discussing their issues or questions with even their closest friends. The titles of virgin and non-virgin need to be thrown out. Wearing these slanderous and misleading titles across our chests like a weighty badge is slowing down the progress of our society. Sexual identity is personal, and complicated, and should be treated as such.
#Sexuality #BreakfastClub #Shame
Find more of my blog posts on http://undergradchronicle.blogspot.com/
It is hour 3 in the library, I am thirsty, hungry, and sleepy. I have made little progress, although my textbook is opened. Instead of reading it, I have been people watching. I thought getting out of my room would be a good idea, WRONG! I also hate the fluorescent lights here. Even more than that, I also hate the inevitability of summer. We should just forget finals and keep on trucking with the semester. I’m going to miss the zoo like crazy :(
Cheese!?! Where’s the cheese? We’re always hungry!
So I decided to start this blog thing up again, because I have literally notebook upon notebook filled with random things I want to say, but they’ve just been stuffed in my drawers. Also, besides politics, I love writing, a lot. Like more than cookies. I have no idea how tumblr works, so here’s to pressing random buttons until I figure it out. I’m going to do my best because this could be good practice for someday being a real, honest to God writer, one who takes the composition notebooks out of her drawers and sends them to publishers.
Anyways, finals are next week. This makes me terribly sad because I love Western and I’m going to have to be draged out next Friday kicking and screaming like the almost adult that I am. With these big tets coming up, I decided that now is probably a good time to read my textbooks. I opened my Comparative Politics books (the class that I absolutely hate going to) and surprise, it’s kind of a good read. Even with this revelation, I’m still sad about leaving even though it’s only for 4 months. It seems like 4 months times infinity plus 1. Western, you’re just the bestest :(
Asked by Anonymous
Oh my goodness this just made my day! Haha :). I will be up at Central ALLLLL the time! No worries bud :)